Twitter BP Account (Fake...And Tragically Funny)

Read More At The Source:

  1. Our company psychiatrists say now is the time to move onto the last phase of experiencing a tragedy, acceptance mixed with forgetfulness.
  2. @bpTerry just ran into the grabass room all excited and sincerely asked, "Why don't we just call Captain Planet!?" - he has great weed, ok?
  3. We plan on spending millions of dollars to fix this mess. We also plan on jacking gas prices so high that you'll wish you never complained.
  4. Announcement: bp is in desperate need of some positive visual PR. Anything goes. Submit to us w/ #bpbillboard. ABSOLUTELY NO PAY!
  5. WTF! RT @bpTerry just picked up the party banners i ordered yesterday. somehow they say "Operation: To] Kill Accomplished". im in trouble.
  6. This horrible spill wouldn't be happening in the gulf of AMERICA! Arizona knows what I'm talking 'bout!! #fistpound #bpcares
  7. Of course, bp cares about the fishing industry as well. Now, all tuna from the gulf coast comes pre-packaged in oil. #you'rewelcome #yum
  8. @BarackObama is "angry and frustrated." Well, so are we! This has really cut into our BP Goodtimes Field Trip Fund. #nomoredisneyland
  9. Heard rumors of a memo about bp choosing $$$$ over worker safety. It's actually @bpTerry 's diary. So don't read it, it's VERY PRIVATE!
  10. Really turning clean up efforts into overdrive today. We don't want Obama finding out about our crazy office keg parties tomorrow.
  11. We are dedicated to helping the wildlife in the gulf. Any birds that need cleaning must report to 287 Quartemain St, Baton Rouge, LA 70801.
  12. Just got the concession call from Exxon Valdez. They were great competitors and remarkably evil about everything. #bpwins!
  13. Absolutely true: RT @bpTerry just ruined a meeting with some scientists. i ate their pie chart on a dare. tasted horrible.
  14. The LA Times is reporting that Top Kill is working to plug the leak! Looks like our job here is done. See ya later gulf! #5dayweekend!
  15. Seems some are trying to co-opt us. What a PR nightmare! Wanna know how to tell us apart? We say pickledick and pussyfart. #bpsaysfuckyou
  16. After 38 long days, we've finally fixed it... No, not the leak! Terry joined twitter! RT @bpTerry testes, testes 1,2.... 3!?!?!?! lol.
  17. How do you pay for barrels & barrels of oil? With barrels & barrels of "bp cares" shirts for charity (ugh)
  18. A lot of people are asking if we could have prevented this mess. Honestly, we have no clue. Our hindsight is 20/80. #bpcares
  19. Correction! They are the ones robbing us of our hard earned shirt money.
  20. Can't believe we're literally losing thousands of dollars to selling free shirts. Terry never reads the fine print.
  21. RT @BP_America - Top kill procceding according to plan. - FAKE ACCOUNT! CAN'T SPELL! If I had less than 7k followers, I wouldn't bother.

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